Week 9: Becoming An Admirable Adult

Weekly Digital Detox Reflections

My PawPaw as a young admirable adult

Hello and welcome to this week’s digital detox reflection! I really want to thank everyone who read, liked, shared and commented on last week’s reflections. It seems to have struck a lovely chord with people and for that I am thankful.

Progress Report

This week, progress came in a strange way. I was talking a with a coworker last Thursday when he brought up some issues he was having on Facebook. Somewhere along the way I mentioned that I didn’t have a Facebook. He looked a little confused. “Really? he said. “I could have sworn we were friends on Facebook”. I said, “We were, but I deleted all my social media accounts back in May.” When he asked why, I told him about the digital detox challenge I participated in and the things I changed permanently because of it. I then told him about my current detox routine, and how much my life has improved by making just a few small adjustments. It was clear he had never thought about doing anything like that but, he was interested. On Monday afternoon, I saw him again and he told me that he thought a lot about our conversation and did his best to stay away from his phone all weekend! He admitted that even though it was difficult, he really enjoyed it and felt more present with him family. Hearing this was so exciting! It’s true that with just a little encouragement in the right direction, our lives can dramatically improve.

As for my own personal progress, I did some necessary weeding this weekend while my wife watched the children. It was just me getting my hands dirty in silence. It was a therapeutic endeavor that led to where my thoughts have been.

Where my thoughts have been

I walked in on a conversation at work recently that left me irritated. Three working glass guys were standing around going back and forth at each other in what seemed like their usual trash-talking morning routine (this is not what bothered me). Somewhere in the conversation they turned to me asking me whose uniforms I was delivering (I work for Cintas). As I named the guys whose uniforms I was returning, they stopped me and said “Oh….he won’t have his uniforms today, his wife forgot to get them ready for him.” I responded with “he can’t get his own uniforms together?” They laughed and said “No man, he can’t do anything for himself. His wife makes his breakfast, lunch and dinner every day and if she forgets or can’t do it, he gets pissed! Shoot, she even irons all his stuff, and picks his clothes every day.” Before I could respond, another guy chimed in and said “man, I wish my wife did that.” Then another jumped in and said, “has she got a sister?!? I’ll leave my wife and get with her!” And I said, “ his wife sounds more like his maid or his mom to me.” They laughed a little but I had clearly changed the tone of the conversation. I said, “I would be so embarrassed if my wife picked out my clothes for me every day and took care of me like I was a child and she was my mommy.” This definitely killed the mood. I have to come to this place every week so, I lightened it up by changing the subject before going on my way but I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. Three grown “men” who wanted to be catered to and cared for by their wives like toddlers. Absolutely pathetic. It could be looked over as them just joking around, but I was there, and they meant what they said.

When I was growing up, becoming an adult meant something. It meant becoming responsible for yourself and other people. It meant your spouse, children, friends, neighbors, coworkers, fellow church members, and so on could depend on you. If you were a man, you were to be noble, strong both mentally and physically, dress like someone who had some level of maturity, and have some wisdom you could share with others while remaining fun enough to have a beer with. As far as I could tell, for young girls, it meant basically all the same things except you’d probably be more graceful and nurturing than the men. No offense fellas. Yet, as I look around today, I must admit that finding an adult like this is like finding a needle in a haystack.

Men, where I live and work, are generally crude, unkempt, have no idea how to dress themselves with any level of maturity, offer no wisdom, and have too much fun drinking beer, as their guts indicate. Frankly, things don't look a whole lot different among most adult women. The only difference is that if they are in reasonable shape, they wear outfits that are so form-fitting and revealing that seeing them in public makes you wonder if they realize they are in public. I cannot help but wonder, why do we (myself included) all seem so immature? Where are the adults? I want my children to have adults to look up to and aspire to be like, which makes me question; Am I doing all I can to be that adult male role model for them? If not; How can I improve? How can I become an admirable adult?

I found inspiration from two sources this week. The first is from a podcast I’ve been a fan of for years known as The Art Of Manliness. The second came from an excerpt of a coming-of-age novel “Men of Iron” by Howard Pyle. I’ll start with the podcast before moving on to the story.

I cannot recommend The Art of Manliness podcast enough. Do not let the title fool you. This is not some macho, fake tough guy masculine posturing podcast. For years, Host Brett McKay has thoughtfully interviewed authors, historians, philosophers, psychologists, nutritionists, coaches, and everyone in between in an effort to help his listeners become well-rounded, truly masculine men. Last week, the episode titled “The 5 Shifts of Manhood” was released and it might be my favorite episode to date. Author and Pastor Jon Tyson joins McKay in a discussion about 5 ways in which boys shift their lives in transition to becoming men. They mention in the episode that these principles or “shifts” can also apply to girls, though they may be applied in different ways. These principles are categorized as “shifts” because they give us a sense of progress, which I think is really helpful. These shifts would be valuable for adult men and women to reflect on as well. The shifts were discussed in the following order.

• Ease to difficulty

• Self to others

• Whole to a part

• Control to surrender

• The temporary to the eternal

Since I am limited in my time to write I will focus on the one shift that stuck out most to me, ease to difficulty, but I strongly encourage anyone reading this to go listen to this podcast episode, especially if you have children.

From Ease to Difficulty

The shift from ease to difficulty does not mean seeking trouble or challenges for their own sake. It means embracing, facing, and overcoming the difficulties of life in a way that leaves you stronger and more competent for whatever challenges lie ahead. As children, our lives are made easier through the love and care of our parents. It is then up to parents to help build their children's capacity for handling tough situations which eventually leads them to a point where they are ready to face life’s challenges independently from their parents.

Our society tells adults to avoid difficulty at all costs. Live with ease! Thanks modern technology, If you have a smartphone and a laptop you can basically survive on your couch if you want to. You can work from home and have groceries or meals delivered at all times. Amazon can bring whatever else to your doorstep, and you never have to get out of your pajamas. You then have more entertainment at your fingertips than you could ever watch. If you feel like some adventure, play a video game and when you finally get lustful, porn is right there waiting for you. All this can be achieved from the comfort of your sofa. This kind of life sounds easy. But let's be honest, it also sounds awful. It sounds meaningless. That's because it is. A life lived with meaning and purpose is more difficult. People and hard circumstances will challenge your meaning of life. Things will get in your way and make your purpose seem impossible or stupid. Giving into ease will validate the opposition, make you weak and leave you lonely. Overcoming difficulty will make future opposition less stressful, and make you stronger and more capable of sharing meaning and purpose with others. You can be someone who is strong and capable of sharing meaning and purpose with others. That's the kind of adult, man or woman, we should all aim to be.

Men of Iron

In the excerpt of “Men of Iron” that I read, the main character, Myles Falworth, is a young, unproven English knight pitted against the experienced and hardened French knight known as the Siuer de la Montaigne in a jousting match before King Henry IV of England and more importantly to Myles, the Lady Alice. I won’t spoil the story but I will say it’s absolutely thrilling, engaging and full of great old English style writing. I’m a sucker for a cool one-liners. Right before the peak of the jousting match a wise elder and advisor to Myles, Sir James, say

“Keep thy head cool and thine eyes true.”

I have thought about that line over and over again since I read it. I’m astounded when such wisdom can be woven into an eight-word sentence.

Last week, in a half-joking comment,

Cork Hutson

called these reflections of mine sermons. It made me laugh, smile but more importantly it made me contemplate just what I am doing here. On the surface, I’m doing my best to encourage people to free themselves from the shackles of digital technology. But ultimately, I am trying to point you to Christ.

Embodying the shifts from childhood to adulthood, and to truly keeping thy head cool and thine eyes true, will result in you becoming more like Jesus. There is no better example of an adult. Christ faced more difficulty than we can ever imagine, gave himself for all others, taught us that we are only truly whole when we are a part of His Church, called us to surrender our will to God’s, and to repent while in the temporary so we may spend eternity with Him. Our aim should be to live a life that reflects these values exemplified for us by Christ. In doing so, we will inevitable become admirable adults.

In an embrace of the sermon-esque form these reflections seem to be taking, from this week forward, we’ll have a formal closing. A benediction of sorts. It goes as follows.

Keep thy head cool and thine eyes true.

Sir James. Men of Iron

Thank you for reading! Do your best to disconnect from the artificial, and connect with others. Have a great week, God Bless!

Scripture of the week

“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭11‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Word of the week

(adj) Magnanimous- charitable, generous, or forgiving

Why magnanimous? It’s just a good word.

Song of the week

Fear Thou Not- Josh Garrels