Week 10: God’s Gifts for Our Holiness

Weekly Digital Detox Reflections

Pretty Place, NC

Hello and welcome to this week’s digital detox reflection! If anyone reading this is currently doing a digital detox of your own or you have done one recently, I would love to hear about your experience. What rules did you set up for yourself? What did you do well? How did you struggle? What have you changed as a result of your detox?

Progress Report

Last week I talked about a conversation between a coworker and me that inspired him to stay away from his smartphone. This week, it was me who was inspired by a coworker. A new guy named Brad was sent to help me for a day. I was looking forward to getting to know him. Until then, I had never worked with him or had a conversation that was anything more than small talk. I knew he was a little older than me but was surprised when he told me he was 54. I would have guessed he was in his 40s. I was impressed by how well he was able to keep up. My job is physically demanding. I walk anywhere from 18,000-27,000 steps a day and that’s not an exaggeration. Plus I push, pull, and lift heavy things often. This 54 year old guy kept up with me and didn't miss a beat. He out-worked guys in their mid-20s who have tried to help me. But as well as he did physically, he worked even better mentally. Before each stop, he would ask for a brief overview of what he should do, and would work perfectly without having to ask me to repeat myself. A few times, he even picked on things I forgot to mention and took care of them. I've never seen anyone do that. I told him how impressed I was, especially since other guys his age at work are nowhere near as sharp. This led to a discussion about how important it is to take care of ourselves as we age by watching what we eat and also what else we consume. We then talked about media consumption and I mentioned that I had given up social media. He then told me that he’s never used any social media. I was honestly stunned. He said he simply never saw the need or had any desire use it. He even talked about how glad he was not to have it because he could see that it had negatively affected those around him. He told me that he also puts his phone away as soon as he gets home from work. As I watched him for the rest of the day, I knew he was telling the truth. His phone was the last thing on his mind. He had a bag he left it in and I think I only saw him check it twice the entire day. We talked about the importance of our families, hobbies, music we liked, and really just got to know each other. That was the first time in a long time I was actually able to get to know a new coworker, all because neither of us were distracted by our smartphones.

I cannot help but attribute Brad’s physical and mental sharpness to his limited use of digital technology. Working with him just this once was enough to serve as inspiration to continue to limit my use of digital tech and take care of my body. Maybe when I’m 54, I’ll be as energetic and astute as Brad.

Where my thoughts have been

If you’re tired of me talking about marriage and parenting, you may want to stop reading now. As I started to write this week’s reflection, it occurred to me that I seem to address these topics often. Instead of being too self-conscious, I’m going to lean into it. I’ve only been married for five years and been a father for almost two years, so I’m still pretty new to these roles. Reflecting upon these roles now can only help me as I intend to fulfill my responsibilities in them for the rest of my life. I feel so strongly about this because by the grace of God, I see through the lies of the world. Our society, as a whole, wants you to see marriage and parenting as burdens. I see them as gifts.

“If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭7‬:‭11‬ ‭KJV‬‬

We, as humans in our limited human nature, give gifts mostly to make the recipient happy. God, the ultimate gift giver, gives us gifts to make us…I’ll get to that later. Just hang with me.

Describing marriage as a gift sounds nice. It may, for some, bring up warm, fuzzy feelings and strong passion for your spouse. That’s all well and good. But if you’ve been married for longer than two weeks, you know that those feelings are not permanent. That’s okay because your happiness and those strong feelings are not the purpose of marriage. If happiness is not the purpose of marriage, what is? Having children?

Well, no. Having children is not the purpose of marriage. Many Christians, even smart, well meaning ones with powerful platforms have argued this. I recently listened to an episode of The Joe Rogan Experience which took place last November. This episode featured Matt Walsh who was there to discuss his documentary, “What is a Woman”. The discussion took a nosedive as Rogan challenged Walsh on his Christian beliefs, particularly on the topic of marriage as it relates to gay marriage vs traditional Christian marriage between a man and a woman. Rogan, from his essentially agnostic perspective, argued that anyone and everyone should be free to get married no matter what they believe or practice. Matt Walsh respectively held firm to his Christian perspective that marriage should be between a man and a woman. Rogan rightfully questioned why. Rogan argued that the purpose was to be happy. If the purpose is just to be happy, why shouldn’t that apply to everyone? Walsh attempted to assert that having children was the purpose of marriage. Rogan of course countered that with all the caveats and examples of heterosexual marriages that produce no children and that is where to conversation spiraled. I was glad Walsh stuck to his guns but disappointed that he had the wrong guns.

I’ve recently become a fan of a man by the name of John Heers. He is writer, entrepreneur, history buff and humanitarian worker I discovered while listening to podcasts featuring the prolific Paul Kingsnorth. I first discovered his podcast “Why Are We Talking About Rabbits” and then sought out his newsletter “Heavy Things Done Lightly”. On episode #127 of the podcast, Heers reacts to Walsh’s shortcomings in his discussion with Rogan and drives home the point Walsh should have made. In my opinion, in this episode, he sums up the purpose of marriage better than most books I’ve read on the subject. He plainly states, the purpose of marriage is to make you Holy. In his article titled “Light People, Old World Marriage And Love” he says this a little differently.

In the old world, this vehicle without a driver, this transit machine of love, was built for your salvation, or if you don't like that word, it was made for your health and well-being, your redemption, your nirvana, your karmic release, your becoming one with the universe.

John Heers

Here we have it. The purpose of marriage is to make you Holy. Holy as defined by scripture as being separate or set apart from everything this not God. We are to be set apart from sin.

John Heers is an Orthodox Christian. I’m starting to notice that Orthodox Christians have a way of saying something profound and moving on as if what they said was common sense. The gift of being a parent was brought up in a similar way in a recent episode of the “Lord Of Spirits” podcast. Toward the end of the episode titled “Pantheon And Pandemonium VIII: Live Q&A September 2023” Fr. Andrew Stephen Damick tells listeners about advice given to him by his father confessor in terms of the challenges of parenthood. I’m going to paraphrase here. The advice went something like this; You have asked God for salvation and He has given you your marriage and your children because he knows this is what you need for your salvation. Meaning he has given you your specific spouse, and specific children because He knows that is what you need. These people in your life are gifts from God which he intends to use to make you Holy. As soon as I heard that, I paused the Podcast and worked the rest of the day in silence just thought about it. It wasn't even my detox work day.

Understanding marriage and parenthood as gifts given to us by God in order that we become Holy is the ultimate game changer. But we know, not all marriages and or child-rearing parents become Holy. So how can we make good on God’s gifts and become Holy? I believe the answer is simple, but not easy. I’ll refer back to Fr. Andrew Damick for a quote that answers our question.

Submit, and die.

Fr. Andrew Damick.

In a previous post on Christian marriage, I explored this same idea. I think it can also be applied to our concept of parenthood. To become a Holy spouse, I must die to myself daily. Die to my ego, selfish desires, and all the ways in which I try to be my own god. To be a Holy father, I must again, die each day to my wants and even my problems and continually put my children and their needs before my own.

I grew up with a single mother. She was amazing and absolutely did the best she could for me. But I would be a fool to repeat her mistakes. I have been given the gift of a Christian marriage. I have also been given the gift of fatherhood, a gift my father missed out on by not being part of my life. Again, I would be a fool to repeat his mistakes. I thank God each and every day for these gifts. I’m honored to be a steward of these gifts. It is now my responsibility and honor to live a life of complete surrender and repentance to Christ so that my wife, children, and myself can walk the straight and narrow path to holiness in Christ Jesus.

Benedction

In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirt,

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon us, we sinners.

Thank you for reading! Do your best to disconnect from the artificial, and connect with others.

And as always,

Keep thy head cool and thine eyes true.

Sir James in Howard Pyle’s Men of Iron

Scripture of the week

“If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭7‬:‭11‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Word of the week

(adj) Arcane- obscure; known only by a few.

Why arcane? It’s just a good word.

Music of the Week

The album “Peace To All Who Enter” by Josh Garrels. This album is incredible!