Hello and welcome to the first weekly reflection of my journey towards digital minimalism. Each week I will share my thoughts and experiences based on the time I spend each week away from digital technology.
Here is how my detox schedule works at the moment. Every afternoon or evening when I get home from work, my phone goes in a specified spot and I touch it as little as possible until the next morning. Every Wednesday, I work and commute in complete silence. No streaming music, podcasts, audiobooks or anything. I refrain from using google. I only check work emails once a day. I do not have any social media accounts so no issue there, and I do not get on Substack. (Or at least I try not to get on Substack)
I may also share a portion of scripture I have been ruminating on, a good word or phrase, and a song that I’ve been enjoying during the week. Seeing as how this is the first installment, it’s safe to say these plans may change. With all of that said, I’ll jump right into the main subject of this week's reflection which is: Play!
The Dark Side
Every Friday Afternoon, for about six months now, I take my daughter, Delaney (currently 21 months old) to a local park to play. The park is beautiful. She absolutely loves it and so do I! This is a perfect opportunity to stay off of my iPhone and focus on having fun with my daughter while making sure she stays safe. I bring it in case of an emergency, but while we are playing, I do not look at it. Unfortunately, I am in the minority here. Every single week, including this week, I see parents and grandparents alike who cannot stay off of their phones. Even if the parents have young toddlers like myself and are following them around, the phone is always in their hands or faces. The parents with older kids who don’t need to be followed so closely often just sit on the park benches and stay on the phone. And when they aren’t on the phone they look unhappy to be there. I have even witnessed a young mom, sitting on the bench with her phone, completely ignoring her kids, decide to leave the bench, wrangle the kids together for a picture on the swing set, only to tell the kids to scram while she goes back to the bench to post that picture on several social media accounts. I should say, I cannot prove she posted those pictures, but that’s what seems likely. This kind of behavior drives me insane.
My first instinct is to feel bad for the kids and contempt for the parents/grandparents. Seriously? You put in the effort of getting the kids and their stuff together, set time aside for play and now you’re at the park and you’re just going to sit on the phone? Why go through all that trouble? Why even leave the house?
While at the park, if I just scrolled aimlessly through the phone, I would miss the way my daughter giggles endlessly throwing wood chips onto the slide. Or the way she smiles while I sing to her as I push her in the swing. Or how impressively smart she is when she points to my truck all the way across the parking lot and says “truck!” letting me know she is ready to head home and settle down before her afternoon nap. Missing these precious moments would mean missing the very things in life that bring immense joy. Of even more important consideration is how staying on the phone at the park would affect my daughter.
I know she is so young that she will not remember all the time we’ve spent at the park, but her lack of memory is no excuse for potential neglect. She would certainly feel ignored. She would probably even cry and act out because she had been ignored. And then what would happen? Do I get upset and impatient with her when it’s my fault as a parent for ignoring her? Does all of this happen and form in her mind a negative association with going to the park? It very well could. This is the opposite of what needs to happen at the park. She should associate the park with where she goes to make new friends. The place where dad acts silly while he spins her on the merry-go-round. A place where nothing needs to be plugged in or powered on in order to have a good time.
As my contempt builds towards the digitally addicted parents, it subsides as I realize they are actually victims. The Machine (as described by Paul Kingsnorth and others) with its long reaching digital tentacles, has persuaded us to have a screen in sight at all times, never turn them off, and in doing so has stolen our time and attention. We’ve been robbed! And this thief is clever.
With the boldness of a middle school bully and the cunning of a fox, the theft occurred like that of a pickpocket. Except, in this case, the thief put a screen in your pocket, and stole your concentration. As I play with my daughter at the park, I see the victims of this crime go on to perpetuate the wrong-doing by normalizing it as an acceptable way to behave. I pray I will see a shift in behavior from these parents.
The Bright side
Thank goodness the park is not the only place we play! Pictured above is our playground at home properly covered in chalk. It’s become sort of an impromptu blackboard.
On this you will find numbers 1-10, the alphabet, music notation, scribbles, and words she is learning. While Delaney loves to watch us draw and play with chalk, she has to get in on the action too! The house is now covered in an array of colors as high as she can reach. The driveway and back patio have gotten their fair share of chalking as well. She even loves to swing with the chalk. And when drawing has gotten old, it’s time to visit the trees.
I will never get tired of hearing my baby girl yell “tree!”. The routine is as follows. We go to the front of the house, she sees the Crepe Myrtle and yells “tree!”. I respond with, “good job Delaney! That’s the Crepe Myrtle! Can you say, Crepe Myrtle?” She tries, and again I encourage her effort and enthusiasm. We then visit the pine trees before we go back to chalk, swinging, singing and eventually we play a little basketball. This is the most fun she and I have all day. And it’s all done without any digital technology. Yes, I did bring the phone once to snap a few pictures. But other than that, when we go outside, the phones stay inside. If time is of concern, I wear my analog watch (because they look better than digital watches and I refuse to get a smartwatch).
The time we spend playing at the park and at home are simply better when not distracted by a device. This is something I have been better able to realize since my 30-Day Digital Detox and the digitally minimal habits I have adopted since. And here is where I will encourage you to go play outside and leave your phones inside! Whether you have kids or not, or are in a relationship or not, it does not matter. You can find some way to play!
I want to encourage anyone who is reading this to strongly consider a 30-Day Digital Detox of your own. If you feel like your attention is not being used as intentionally as you would like and you are too disengaged with your life away from your screens, a challenge like this could do wonders for you. If you need a guide, I will recommend that you follow the guidelines laid out here by Ruth Gaskovski (writer for School of the Unconformed.)
Scripture For The Week
Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said I will never leave thee nor forsake thee. Hebrews 13:5 KJV.
This particular scripture has been in my head all week probably be I've been reading Wendell Berry. His work in “The Unsetting of America” though written in the 1970s, and is mostly commenting of culture and agriculture, perfectly critiques the way digital technology, combined with our endlessly expanding capitalist economy teaches us to never be content. I has been my experience that contentment is more easily found when detached from my devices.
Word For The Week
Forbearance- patient self-control; restraint and tolerance.
Why Forberance? It’s just a good word.
Music Recommendation
This week I want to recommend the album…perchance to dream, a lullaby album for children and adults. By Carol Rosenberger.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading! I hope this served nicely as my first installment of what will be my weekly digital detox reflections.
Until next week, so long and God Bless!
P.S.
Just a heads up, it has been pointed out to me that my links to Spotify work from a phone, but not a laptop or desktop computer. I’m not sure why that is. If the links aren't working for you, please let me know.
Wonderful post, Daniel. You are a unique young man. This has challenged me. Even at my age, the digital tentacles are always trying to get a grip. I thought I was doing well until I read this. 🫤 Looking forward to these weekly post and maybe commenting with my progress in response.
This is so good and great inspiration! I’m in my final week of my first 30 day digital detox and I’ve been loving it. I feel much less anxiety and stress, and I’ve been more present for my 3 little boys. One reason I always have my phone handy is because my husband is deployed and I never want to miss a call. BUT that doesn’t mean I need to be checking my phone every 2 minutes. Even after my detox is over, I’ll have strict parameters on social media usage on my phone. I love sharing our life and connecting with people I care about, but I abhor scrolling mindlessly. Thanks for sharing your experience here!